1 00:00:10,980 --> 00:00:13,100 Hey, Sarah, write something in my yearbook. 2 00:00:13,340 --> 00:00:14,880 Okay. Be good. 3 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:19,240 If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, name it after me. 4 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:43,220 La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, 5 00:00:43,220 --> 00:00:44,880 la, la, la, la, la, lady. 6 00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:50,860 We find the strangest places to get. 7 00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:55,000 La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, 8 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,000 la, la, la, la, la, lady. 9 00:00:56,340 --> 00:01:01,040 No matter where if it was warm, we got. 10 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:43,260 And the strangers played there together. 11 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:46,820 La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. 12 00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:53,980 No matter where if it was warm, we got. 13 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,040 Woodruff? 14 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,900 Look around you, girls. No sign of the despoliation of man. 15 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,500 I wouldn't mind a little despoliation by a man right now. 16 00:05:31,060 --> 00:05:35,040 It is out here, away from the pollution and the racket of civilization, that we 17 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,260 really see nature's wonderful creatures. 18 00:05:37,660 --> 00:05:41,940 Oh, look, over there, a horny toad. No wonder, out here so far from 19 00:05:41,940 --> 00:05:42,940 civilization. 20 00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:48,360 And over there, that group of saplings springing from tiny nuts. They are now 21 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:49,500 erect and growing. 22 00:05:50,380 --> 00:05:51,720 Isn't nature wonderful? 23 00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,000 nature in the raw. 24 00:05:59,340 --> 00:06:00,800 Isn't it spectacular, Michelle? 25 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,020 I don't imagine there's anything quite like this in France. 26 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:09,240 Wow! No, Miss Woodruff, nothing quite as spectacular as this. 27 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,000 Yes, there are things out here that you simply can't see in town. 28 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:17,300 Up there, for instance, those darling woodpeckers. Aren't they something? 29 00:06:17,740 --> 00:06:18,740 You sure? 30 00:06:34,830 --> 00:06:36,410 No, Miss Woodruff, it's a CB radio. 31 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:38,430 Oh, a CB. 32 00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:39,750 What's that? 33 00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:43,210 Citizens Band. You can talk to people who have them out on the road and pick 34 00:06:43,210 --> 00:06:45,170 messages. Oh, that's marvelous. 35 00:06:46,010 --> 00:06:47,010 How does it work? 36 00:06:47,530 --> 00:06:50,050 Well, you just press this button here and... 37 00:07:14,230 --> 00:07:17,450 Beavers? What on earth is all that talk about beavers, Peaches? 38 00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:24,630 Oh, well, there are a lot of forest rangers who use this frequency, and, 39 00:07:24,630 --> 00:07:26,210 Well, what was all that about a dragon? 40 00:07:26,650 --> 00:07:27,650 Dragon? 41 00:07:27,790 --> 00:07:28,830 Oh, dragon! 42 00:07:29,290 --> 00:07:33,090 The beavers were dragging sticks, you know, to build a dam. 43 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:51,390 Baby, this is Piledriver. 44 00:07:51,870 --> 00:07:53,910 Hey, baby, what's your handle? 45 00:07:54,690 --> 00:07:55,750 My handle? 46 00:07:57,030 --> 00:07:58,610 Eager beaver, good buddy. 47 00:07:59,430 --> 00:08:00,430 Wow! 48 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,500 camp? It's all 49 00:08:54,500 --> 00:09:02,120 right, 50 00:09:02,180 --> 00:09:05,220 girls. The gentleman said we could camp here for the night. Oh, good. I like it 51 00:09:05,220 --> 00:09:06,220 here. It'll be nice. 52 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,040 Well, let's go. 53 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:10,960 Well, let's go. 54 00:09:24,620 --> 00:09:25,140 Come on 55 00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:33,520 Hey, 56 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:42,260 this is for me Wow 57 00:10:09,430 --> 00:10:14,690 © transcript Emily Beynon 58 00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:40,320 There's so many boys for you to choose. 59 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,820 Meet a deep sea diver. 60 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:45,920 months locked up in an all -girls school. 61 00:11:46,180 --> 00:11:49,400 Then we go and tack on another two weeks on an all -girl biking tour. 62 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:54,780 With Miss Woodruff, the virgin surgeon of the biology department, the 63 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:58,380 Boy, what I wouldn't give to be bawling in the backseat of the drive -in right 64 00:11:58,380 --> 00:12:01,360 now. It's been a long, dry spell. 65 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:02,600 I'll say. 66 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:04,520 It's been a long time. 67 00:12:05,460 --> 00:12:06,460 Sure has. 68 00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:11,180 Hey, Allison, how long has it been for you? 69 00:12:13,290 --> 00:12:14,290 About 18 years. 70 00:12:14,710 --> 00:12:16,390 You're still a virgin? 71 00:12:16,890 --> 00:12:17,970 Oh, dear. 72 00:12:18,390 --> 00:12:20,670 Hey, you guys, she's a maidenhead. 73 00:12:21,190 --> 00:12:23,450 Good method of birth control, Allison. 74 00:12:23,790 --> 00:12:25,830 18 years old and never been stripped. 75 00:12:29,670 --> 00:12:31,730 Me, too. 76 00:12:33,770 --> 00:12:34,990 Oh, see. 77 00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:38,310 And me. 78 00:12:39,110 --> 00:12:40,110 Well, Sarah? 79 00:12:45,770 --> 00:12:46,770 Isn't it awful? 80 00:12:47,370 --> 00:12:48,750 Humiliating. Catastrophe. 81 00:12:49,170 --> 00:12:50,290 It's unbelievable. 82 00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:53,830 How could five girls like us? Clever. 83 00:12:54,070 --> 00:12:55,730 Talented. Beautiful. 84 00:12:56,470 --> 00:13:00,870 Stuck. The point is, we gotta do something about it. And fast. 85 00:13:01,170 --> 00:13:02,730 We're going to college this fall. 86 00:13:03,010 --> 00:13:06,290 Yeah. All those divine college guys. 87 00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:07,630 We have so much to offer. 88 00:13:09,230 --> 00:13:10,810 So much experience. 89 00:13:11,510 --> 00:13:14,110 How are we gonna compete with them if we're still... 90 00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:17,510 We've got to do something and fast. 91 00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:18,809 But how? 92 00:13:18,810 --> 00:13:21,350 Just fall for the first creep who comes along? 93 00:13:22,110 --> 00:13:24,950 Of course not. We're Cherry Hill Girls. 94 00:13:25,210 --> 00:13:27,230 When we do it, it'll be original. 95 00:13:27,710 --> 00:13:29,490 Wait. That's it. 96 00:13:29,690 --> 00:13:30,810 We'll have a contest. 97 00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:32,850 A contest? 98 00:13:33,390 --> 00:13:37,070 Yes. To see who can lose it in the most original way. 99 00:13:38,430 --> 00:13:41,190 That's a good idea. That's the best idea. 100 00:13:41,630 --> 00:13:42,970 How are we going to do it? Wait. 101 00:13:43,630 --> 00:13:44,630 We've got... 102 00:13:45,050 --> 00:13:46,050 A problem. 103 00:13:46,430 --> 00:13:49,510 Oh, yeah. Miss Woodruff, the virgin surgeon. 104 00:13:50,190 --> 00:13:53,890 She's so repressed, she covers up all the road signs that say yield. 105 00:13:54,170 --> 00:13:57,270 She's wheeled her charity to the medical school for a transplant. 106 00:13:57,930 --> 00:14:01,170 She's so cold, her gynecologist gets frostbite. 107 00:14:06,630 --> 00:14:07,890 Turn around. 108 00:14:08,090 --> 00:14:09,870 We'll be lucky if we get eaten by mosquitoes. 109 00:14:10,570 --> 00:14:11,570 Oh, stop. 110 00:14:11,630 --> 00:14:12,790 You're turning me on. 111 00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:17,259 Shrug her. 112 00:14:17,260 --> 00:14:18,520 Tie her up. 113 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,000 Tape her mouth. 114 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:21,540 Blindfold her eyes. 115 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,180 I post a 24 -hour... 116 00:17:02,109 --> 00:17:03,250 Hello, Miss Woodruff. 117 00:17:03,470 --> 00:17:05,470 Good morning. Good morning, Miss Woodruff. Good morning, girl. 118 00:17:05,810 --> 00:17:09,450 Gee, do you think one of us should thank that nice farmer for his hospitality? 119 00:17:09,950 --> 00:17:12,310 Or do you suppose he's already started his plowing? 120 00:17:12,930 --> 00:17:14,670 I took care of that last night, dear. 121 00:17:15,190 --> 00:17:16,670 Well, we're all ready to go. 122 00:17:17,050 --> 00:17:18,230 What's our plan for today? 123 00:17:18,530 --> 00:17:19,530 Where are we going? 124 00:17:22,050 --> 00:17:26,170 Well, first I'd better scout up ahead and cover up all the yield signs on the 125 00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,170 highway. 126 00:17:27,270 --> 00:17:30,570 Oh, Miss Woodruff. Oh, I'm really sorry, Miss Woodruff. 127 00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:32,100 I didn't mean it. 128 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:42,460 Girls, I'm going to have to talk to you 129 00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:43,460 very seriously. 130 00:17:43,740 --> 00:17:46,820 You know, I'm not one to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help overhearing your 131 00:17:46,820 --> 00:17:48,040 conversation last night. 132 00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:52,160 And I must say, I could hardly believe my ears. 133 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:56,440 It's made me seriously reconsider the manner in which we shall have to conduct 134 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:57,440 this trip. 135 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,400 I can see I'm going to have to take you girls firmly in hand. 136 00:18:01,130 --> 00:18:05,330 You need to be taught a lesson, and it's up to me to teach you. 137 00:18:06,730 --> 00:18:12,670 Girls of your age and your opportunities, I'm shocked, shocked, 138 00:18:12,850 --> 00:18:16,470 to discover that all of you are still virgins. 139 00:18:35,790 --> 00:18:37,490 Where'd you lose yours, Miss Woodruff? 140 00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:40,810 At the first Beatles concert at Shea Stadium. 141 00:18:41,310 --> 00:18:43,610 Gosh, are you that old? Well, all right, girls. 142 00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:49,550 Let's talk about the ground rules. Now, we've got two weeks on this trip, so 143 00:18:49,550 --> 00:18:50,610 that's the time limit. 144 00:18:50,810 --> 00:18:55,210 Any deflowering after that is disqualified, even if it's with the 145 00:18:55,210 --> 00:18:56,169 the United States. 146 00:18:56,170 --> 00:18:57,590 What's so original about that? 147 00:18:58,410 --> 00:19:01,350 And two, nothing uncorroborated. 148 00:19:02,460 --> 00:19:05,520 comes in here saying they've just made it with Evel Knievel on a motorcycle 149 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,900 jumping the Long Island Sound, they better have witnesses. 150 00:19:09,460 --> 00:19:11,700 Witnesses? Come on, they're not crazy. 151 00:19:12,820 --> 00:19:13,820 Well, 152 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:15,579 it is a contest. 153 00:19:15,580 --> 00:19:19,000 But of course, every scientific experiment needs witnesses. 154 00:19:19,420 --> 00:19:22,060 Well, I always perform better before an audience. 155 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,480 Hey, you guys, I guess that's it. Everybody shake hands and come out 156 00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:40,360 Cherry Hill, Cherry Hill, will we do it? Yes, we will. We're the girls who've 157 00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:43,000 got it made, so come on, girls, and let's get laid. 158 00:19:46,460 --> 00:19:47,460 Remember, 159 00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:51,880 originality and flair. 160 00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:55,680 Don't worry about me. I do everything with flair. You? 161 00:19:56,260 --> 00:20:00,100 You'd be a pushover for the first boy who fell out of the blue. I would not. 162 00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:05,460 fighting. None of us are going to go falling for the first boy who drops out 163 00:20:05,460 --> 00:20:06,460 the blue. 164 00:20:08,940 --> 00:20:10,400 Where's his telephone pole? 165 00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:13,540 That's really something. 166 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:17,180 My name's Larry. 167 00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:18,900 What's yours? 168 00:20:20,380 --> 00:20:21,660 You'll never need to know. 169 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:40,400 My name's Kippy. 170 00:21:40,820 --> 00:21:43,160 Hey, are you really going to battle a shark tomorrow? 171 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:44,600 Uh -huh. 172 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:45,640 Wow. 173 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:47,280 Where? 174 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,660 Hey, can I have a look? 175 00:21:52,340 --> 00:21:53,340 Come on. 176 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,560 Hey, Kippy, the frisbee! 177 00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:58,840 Oh, come on. 178 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:01,640 Charge! 179 00:22:03,620 --> 00:22:04,620 Yay! 180 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:08,020 Two, four, six, eight. What do we appreciate? 181 00:22:08,650 --> 00:22:09,750 The opening to this movie. 182 00:22:10,130 --> 00:22:12,230 Yeah, uh, wait, what? 183 00:22:13,190 --> 00:22:15,850 Nurse, I can't believe you didn't pick up on this. 184 00:22:16,370 --> 00:22:23,150 In less than one minute, we got thrusting crotch at the camera. In less 185 00:22:23,150 --> 00:22:27,890 seconds in, a girl gives a clay statue a little clay dong. 186 00:22:28,170 --> 00:22:32,940 In less than two and a half minutes in, a girl makes... like a tit -growing 187 00:22:32,940 --> 00:22:37,960 formula in chemistry class. At exactly three and a half minutes, a shaking car 188 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:42,900 gives a girl an orgasm. Less than 30 seconds later, naked boobs in the 189 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:48,540 This is what you call perfection in 70s exploitation. This takes seriously no 190 00:22:48,540 --> 00:22:53,360 time at all to introduce our characters, not by name, but by sexual means. 191 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:57,420 And at less than 10 minutes in, the girls are topless at the stream. 192 00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:58,920 They were? 193 00:22:59,100 --> 00:23:00,520 Were they really topless? 194 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,620 Now, you see, that's one of the great things about some of these movies. They 195 00:23:04,620 --> 00:23:09,560 are in such bad shape that you can't really tell, so there shouldn't be any 196 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:13,060 for stuff being censored or a problem for sites like YouTube and whatnot. 197 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,740 But you know what else I love about this movie, Nurse? 198 00:23:15,940 --> 00:23:16,940 The soundtrack? 199 00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:20,700 Holy shit, the soundtrack is something that I love in this movie. 200 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:25,320 It's not what I was going to say, but let's talk about that music. 201 00:23:25,740 --> 00:23:29,520 This movie comes from this weird time in which... 202 00:23:30,250 --> 00:23:35,770 there was this softer than soft rock stuff that played in movies, 203 00:23:35,770 --> 00:23:40,230 in movies about girls blossoming into womanhood. 204 00:23:40,610 --> 00:23:45,390 Ugh, never say girls blossoming into womanhood like that ever again. 205 00:23:45,730 --> 00:23:46,730 Fair enough. 206 00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:52,420 These coming -of -age stories for girls often have these overly weepy songs 207 00:23:52,420 --> 00:23:56,780 about finding love and being in love and everything being okay with love. 208 00:23:56,960 --> 00:24:02,080 However, I'd argue that really what that song is trying to say is that a girl 209 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:06,360 just needs some good old deep dick in in order to really enjoy life. And let me 210 00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:11,300 tell you, I don't think anyone I've ever dated have ever felt that they needed a 211 00:24:11,300 --> 00:24:14,500 hot beef injection in order to get enjoyment out of life. 212 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:15,880 You don't say. 213 00:24:16,020 --> 00:24:17,020 What's that? 214 00:24:17,110 --> 00:24:18,790 What? I didn't say anything. 215 00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:20,750 Okay. 216 00:24:21,410 --> 00:24:27,070 Anyway, it's this whole idea that a girl's eyes are suddenly opened once 217 00:24:27,070 --> 00:24:32,090 have sex. It's a very stupid and very, very seven to you. And that leads me to 218 00:24:32,090 --> 00:24:34,350 one of my favorite parts of this first segment. 219 00:24:35,370 --> 00:24:42,090 Not so much that I think this was clever or good or even all that watchable, but 220 00:24:42,090 --> 00:24:47,110 it's funny in one of those ways that a couple of guys sat at a typewriter and 221 00:24:47,110 --> 00:24:52,470 had to kind of hammer out this kind of dumb detail in such a kind of dumb way. 222 00:24:52,930 --> 00:24:57,290 These girls decide that they are about to go off to college in a couple of 223 00:24:57,290 --> 00:25:00,650 months, and you'd think that this would be an exciting time, but that's not the 224 00:25:00,650 --> 00:25:03,710 case here. You see, these girls are real bummed out. 225 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,360 that they haven't had any of that good old vitamin D. 226 00:25:07,660 --> 00:25:12,260 They're all virgins, and if they don't get laid before college, well, they'll 227 00:25:12,260 --> 00:25:14,400 behind the other girls at school. 228 00:25:14,820 --> 00:25:15,679 Oh, no. 229 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:21,180 I know, right? And the girls decide that, you know, they're going to do a 230 00:25:21,180 --> 00:25:25,040 contest to see who can lose their virginity in the most original way. But 231 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:27,160 -oh, SpaghettiOs, there's another problem. 232 00:25:27,660 --> 00:25:30,360 Oh, no, not again. What could it possibly be? 233 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:35,200 Well, their teacher, and I guess chaperone, Miss Woodruff, is the 234 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:40,540 She's perceived as this kind of sexless ice queen, and they need to drug her, 235 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:44,220 tie her up, and blindfold her so they can go off and get that dick. 236 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:48,260 But Miss Woodruff isn't such an ice queen after all. 237 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:52,900 You know, while they were talking about what they were going to do to her, she's 238 00:25:52,900 --> 00:25:55,840 getting plowed by the farmer who let them stay at their place. 239 00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:57,259 for the night. 240 00:25:57,260 --> 00:26:02,440 And then the next morning, Miss Woodruff says she's going to help them get 241 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:09,180 deflowered. She says that they have two weeks. Two weeks? Two weeks to get that 242 00:26:09,180 --> 00:26:12,080 sex. But first, let's go to the beach. 243 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:13,620 Are there guys there? 244 00:26:13,860 --> 00:26:16,960 One guy. Does he happen to wrestle sharks? Oh boy, does he? 245 00:26:17,540 --> 00:26:23,140 Let's get back to the movie and find out if Kippy and the shark man get the 246 00:26:23,140 --> 00:26:24,140 business. 247 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,620 Shark! Oh, I meant to ask you, where did you go to school? 248 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:34,280 I went to Imaginary Nurse Technical School. 249 00:26:34,700 --> 00:26:36,300 Ah, yeah, that's very prestigious. 250 00:26:36,780 --> 00:26:39,200 Did you do any extracurricular stuff there? 251 00:26:39,460 --> 00:26:41,540 Yeah, I was a varsity checkers player. 252 00:26:41,980 --> 00:26:44,440 I even made the state a couple times. Well, hot damn! 253 00:26:44,740 --> 00:26:48,540 Where did you go? Oh, me? I went to Brown County Anima High. 254 00:26:49,140 --> 00:26:50,140 It stunk. 255 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:59,760 Hey, Avalon, you ever battle anything besides sharks? 256 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:01,520 Could be. 257 00:27:05,260 --> 00:27:08,760 You handle anything else the way you handled that frisbee? 258 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:10,580 I'm good with my hands. 259 00:27:10,780 --> 00:27:12,020 With my legs, too. 260 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:13,420 I keep in shape. 261 00:27:13,820 --> 00:27:17,520 Yeah? You ever done underwater in a cage with a shark? 262 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:19,580 Done it with a shark? 263 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:21,520 No, I mean with a man. 264 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,500 The same tank as the shark. 265 00:27:24,020 --> 00:27:25,020 Oh. 266 00:27:25,420 --> 00:27:26,620 No, not exactly. 267 00:27:27,420 --> 00:27:30,720 But it might be... a music. 268 00:27:55,789 --> 00:27:57,230 Golly, he's incredible. 269 00:28:01,310 --> 00:28:02,970 You're not so bad yourself, kid. 270 00:28:03,210 --> 00:28:04,650 Are you sure this is safe? 271 00:28:05,330 --> 00:28:06,470 Don't worry about a thing, kid. 272 00:28:07,250 --> 00:28:09,210 The old fixer -o is out. What do you mean? 273 00:28:10,110 --> 00:28:11,110 The setup. 274 00:28:11,350 --> 00:28:12,450 I flipped him a thing. 275 00:28:16,310 --> 00:28:17,490 Isn't he a real shark? 276 00:28:18,650 --> 00:28:19,650 Hustler? Sure. 277 00:28:21,270 --> 00:28:22,270 We're old buddies. 278 00:28:22,370 --> 00:28:24,730 I raised him from a pup. Why do you call him Hustler? 279 00:28:25,050 --> 00:28:26,050 I raised him in a pool. 280 00:28:26,410 --> 00:28:27,410 He's a pool shark. 281 00:28:30,610 --> 00:28:32,330 Don't you mind being all alone like that? 282 00:28:32,970 --> 00:28:34,550 Nah. He's a lone shark. 283 00:28:35,950 --> 00:28:37,110 Hey, you didn't shave. 284 00:28:38,470 --> 00:28:40,150 I never shaved before a match. 285 00:28:41,130 --> 00:28:44,130 One little nick and it's goodbye abalone. What do you mean? 286 00:28:44,550 --> 00:28:45,550 Blood. 287 00:28:45,730 --> 00:28:48,630 Hustler got a whiff of that blood when I was in there with him. He'd tear me 288 00:28:48,630 --> 00:28:51,030 apart. But what about the big match to the duck tomorrow? 289 00:28:51,470 --> 00:28:52,630 Won't one of you draw blood then? 290 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,240 I told you, kid. It's a waltz. 291 00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:57,280 I get down there with a knife. 292 00:28:58,240 --> 00:28:59,740 We wrestle around a little bit. 293 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:03,500 And I break open a bag of cocktail sauce and bam, the lights go out. 294 00:29:03,980 --> 00:29:04,980 Oh. 295 00:29:06,380 --> 00:29:07,380 Say, kid. 296 00:29:08,540 --> 00:29:10,060 What do you like in a sack, anyway? 297 00:29:10,540 --> 00:29:11,540 You a real tiger? 298 00:29:12,380 --> 00:29:14,520 Why? Are you afraid Hustler would get jealous? 299 00:29:14,980 --> 00:29:16,100 Is he a tiger shark? 300 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,580 You can can the jokes, kid. I just want to know what you like when we get down 301 00:29:19,580 --> 00:29:20,580 to it. 302 00:29:22,220 --> 00:29:23,220 Well. 303 00:29:25,689 --> 00:29:27,050 Um, I'm a real animal. 304 00:29:28,310 --> 00:29:31,490 Yep. When I get turned on, I just let go. 305 00:29:32,910 --> 00:29:33,910 Yeah. 306 00:29:34,030 --> 00:29:35,410 Hey, that's great, kid. 307 00:29:36,350 --> 00:29:40,570 But look, I, uh, I don't want you getting carried away down there. None of 308 00:29:40,570 --> 00:29:43,850 biting, uh, scratching, uh, drawing blood, you dig? 309 00:29:44,490 --> 00:29:45,490 Oh, yeah. 310 00:29:45,810 --> 00:29:46,810 Hustler. 311 00:29:47,030 --> 00:29:48,030 Right. 312 00:29:48,810 --> 00:29:49,810 Well, 313 00:29:49,930 --> 00:29:53,250 I guess if we're gonna do it, let's do it. 314 00:31:15,850 --> 00:31:18,250 Hey, do you think Avalonio knows Kippy is a virgin? 315 00:31:18,590 --> 00:31:19,930 Of course he doesn't. 316 00:31:20,150 --> 00:31:24,210 Why? Well, you heard what he said about his shock and blood. 317 00:31:24,770 --> 00:31:27,210 My God, you're right. What do we do? 318 00:31:28,330 --> 00:31:29,450 Not much now. 319 00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,700 Kippy, that was a great opening to a great contest. 320 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:53,700 Breaker one -nine for a beaver on a two -wheeler. 321 00:32:55,020 --> 00:32:56,860 You got a beaver. Is this pile driver? 322 00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:00,000 That's a big ten -four, eager beaver. 323 00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:03,500 Hey, are you coming back with me? 324 00:33:04,620 --> 00:33:06,880 Sure looks like she is to me. 325 00:33:24,590 --> 00:33:28,530 Well, it just walked out of a bad, bad situation. 326 00:33:32,070 --> 00:33:35,310 The kind I always try to avoid. 327 00:33:38,210 --> 00:33:40,730 People just shout and give it. 328 00:34:44,270 --> 00:34:45,270 Edgar Beaver? 329 00:34:47,130 --> 00:34:48,130 Edgar Beaver? 330 00:38:16,750 --> 00:38:17,750 think that should count. 331 00:38:18,450 --> 00:38:20,390 Well, I don't know. 332 00:38:21,110 --> 00:38:24,490 It was original, and it was pretty sexy. 333 00:38:25,270 --> 00:38:29,030 It is not so original in Paris, but sexy? 334 00:38:29,610 --> 00:38:30,670 Ooh la la. 335 00:38:31,890 --> 00:38:35,850 Sexy or not, the question is, does that count for the contest? I mean, 336 00:38:35,850 --> 00:38:38,890 technically. What did you do exactly, Peaches? 337 00:38:39,470 --> 00:38:43,590 How about it, Miss Woodruff? Is Peaches still a virgin, or has she crossed the 338 00:38:43,590 --> 00:38:44,590 great divide? 339 00:38:45,390 --> 00:38:49,050 It's rather an existential point. True, she was not deflowered in the 340 00:38:49,050 --> 00:38:54,050 traditional classic sense by a man, but virginity is as much a state of mind as 341 00:38:54,050 --> 00:38:57,850 a state of body, and therefore I think she qualifies. But I'm only giving her a 342 00:38:57,850 --> 00:39:01,410 4 .8. I'll give her a 6 .9 for trying so hard. 343 00:39:01,610 --> 00:39:04,650 And I'll give her a 7 .5 because that was terrific. 344 00:39:06,170 --> 00:39:07,950 Anyone know what the weather report is? 345 00:39:08,430 --> 00:39:09,650 I'll call and find out. 346 00:39:11,210 --> 00:39:13,850 Good morning. The forecast is sunny, warm, and available. 347 00:39:16,009 --> 00:39:19,230 Larry? At the tone, it'll be time to make a date with me downtown. 348 00:39:19,510 --> 00:39:20,510 Where are you? 349 00:39:22,550 --> 00:39:23,630 Oh, Larry. 350 00:39:26,250 --> 00:39:27,490 Now, about that date? 351 00:39:28,130 --> 00:39:30,330 Oh, all right, I'll meet you in town. 352 00:39:30,530 --> 00:39:31,930 But it won't do you any good. 353 00:39:32,150 --> 00:39:33,470 Hey, what's taking her so long? 354 00:39:36,390 --> 00:39:37,790 Well, what's it gonna be? 355 00:39:38,850 --> 00:39:40,250 Available. What? 356 00:39:41,610 --> 00:39:42,830 Nothing. Uh... 357 00:39:43,340 --> 00:39:45,180 Let's take a left here and go on into town. 358 00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:52,120 Come on. 359 00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,580 Hey, you made a date with that telephone lineman guy, didn't you? 360 00:39:56,260 --> 00:39:59,340 Well... A telephone lineman? 361 00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,620 Oh, Allison, that's not very original. How could you? 362 00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:07,160 Oh, Allison, you can do better than that. Yes. Come on. 363 00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:08,540 That's pathetic. 364 00:40:08,820 --> 00:40:09,820 Larry, Larry. 365 00:40:26,130 --> 00:40:27,510 So that's how it is, Larry. 366 00:40:28,110 --> 00:40:30,110 I never thought I'd be telling you this. 367 00:40:30,910 --> 00:40:34,090 But I... I guess I like you too much to lie to you. 368 00:40:34,870 --> 00:40:38,410 I never thought I'd be saying anything like this to a boy I liked, either. 369 00:40:38,790 --> 00:40:40,390 I guess you think I'm pretty awful. 370 00:40:41,990 --> 00:40:43,930 I don't want to let down the other girls. 371 00:40:44,190 --> 00:40:46,290 They... Well, it means a lot to me. 372 00:40:47,330 --> 00:40:49,330 You understand, don't you? 373 00:40:50,630 --> 00:40:51,549 Well, sure. 374 00:40:51,550 --> 00:40:52,550 I understand. 375 00:40:53,230 --> 00:40:54,410 They kind of respect you. 376 00:40:55,310 --> 00:40:57,410 You just don't walk out on that kind of commitment. 377 00:40:57,910 --> 00:41:00,390 Besides, it'll be a hell of a lot of fun. 378 00:41:02,030 --> 00:41:03,190 You're darn right it will. 379 00:41:07,870 --> 00:41:09,490 So, you're from the town. 380 00:41:09,910 --> 00:41:12,630 Yes, just a local small town lad. 381 00:41:13,110 --> 00:41:14,630 Ah, typical American. 382 00:41:15,210 --> 00:41:16,570 We are just passing through. 383 00:41:17,310 --> 00:41:20,470 Oh, I hope you find our little town diverting. 384 00:41:22,410 --> 00:41:24,610 Well, we need to place the camp over for the night. 385 00:41:25,130 --> 00:41:26,130 Do you know of some place? 386 00:41:26,730 --> 00:41:30,810 Why, yes, as a matter of fact. I know a charming spot. 387 00:41:31,130 --> 00:41:35,290 A lovely deserted old mansion just outside of town. 388 00:41:35,550 --> 00:41:38,310 The grounds are wonderfully accommodating. 389 00:41:39,070 --> 00:41:40,070 And... Yes? 390 00:41:40,350 --> 00:41:42,850 They say it's haunted. 391 00:42:00,780 --> 00:42:01,780 Is this the place? 392 00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,420 He said it was supposed to be haunted. 393 00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:10,060 This is the place. 394 00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:28,720 And his ghost still walks at midnight when the moon is full. 395 00:42:29,750 --> 00:42:34,510 Wandering heartbroken through the empty castle, searching for his lost bra. 396 00:42:35,810 --> 00:42:38,070 I think that's enough ghost stories for tonight. 397 00:42:38,470 --> 00:42:40,990 We'll all be too scared to sleep if we aren't already. 398 00:42:41,890 --> 00:42:46,590 I'm surprised to hear you say that, Miss Woodruff. You're a scientist like me. 399 00:42:46,690 --> 00:42:48,610 We do not believe in the ghost. 400 00:42:48,890 --> 00:42:53,790 No? Well, gosh, you scientists sure are brave. 401 00:42:54,250 --> 00:42:58,330 Yeah. Now me, I'd be scared to go poking around in a haunted house. 402 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:01,080 Unless, of course, you don't believe in ghosts. 403 00:43:01,620 --> 00:43:05,700 Now, to be really scientific about it, you've got to go in there and check it 404 00:43:05,700 --> 00:43:07,420 out. Oh, me, no. 405 00:43:07,860 --> 00:43:13,660 I mean, of course I'm not afraid, but... It is not my house. 406 00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:16,880 I could not go inside... Don't be silly. The place is abandoned. 407 00:43:17,660 --> 00:43:19,140 There's no one there to mind. 408 00:43:19,660 --> 00:43:22,920 Except, perhaps, the ghosts. 409 00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:25,520 Go on, Michelle. 410 00:43:25,620 --> 00:43:26,620 Have a look. 411 00:43:26,890 --> 00:43:29,830 If there is a ghost in there, maybe you'll turn him on. 412 00:43:30,210 --> 00:43:31,510 Making it with a ghost. 413 00:43:31,730 --> 00:43:35,750 You could win by a landslide. I'd have to give it at least a nine. 414 00:43:36,010 --> 00:43:38,650 Go on, Michelle. It's a fantastic opportunity. 415 00:43:39,410 --> 00:43:41,750 Unless, of course, you're afraid. 416 00:43:52,010 --> 00:43:55,810 Please, Miss Woodruff, just until we see if it is really empty. 417 00:43:56,430 --> 00:43:59,190 I'm not afraid of ghosts, naturally. 418 00:43:59,870 --> 00:44:05,070 But there may be, I don't know, hippies or something. 419 00:44:06,190 --> 00:44:12,690 There you go. Take it easy. It's just... Now, really, Michelle, if you're going 420 00:44:12,690 --> 00:44:16,470 to be scientific about this, you can't start losing your head over every little 421 00:44:16,470 --> 00:44:19,610 thing. It's just a draft blowing a door shut. 422 00:44:21,770 --> 00:44:24,070 A simple scientific principle. 423 00:44:26,220 --> 00:44:30,700 You wait here, and I'll go find you a comfortable room to sleep in. Please, 424 00:44:30,700 --> 00:44:32,400 Woodruff, I'd rather go with you. 425 00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:36,300 Nonsense. There's absolutely nothing to be scared of. 426 00:44:36,740 --> 00:44:38,240 Now, you just wait right here. 427 00:44:40,460 --> 00:44:41,540 Here, take this. 428 00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:56,600 It's just your candlestick. 429 00:44:58,100 --> 00:44:59,100 Candlestick? Yes. 430 00:44:59,740 --> 00:45:01,620 Now, pick it up. 431 00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:03,400 Pick it up? 432 00:45:04,540 --> 00:45:07,100 Yeah, pick it up and get a hold of yourself. 433 00:45:10,700 --> 00:45:12,180 I've got to find you a room. 434 00:45:43,790 --> 00:45:50,430 Now, Michelle, I know you're a very attractive young lady, but I hardly 435 00:45:50,430 --> 00:45:54,390 Pick up the candlestick and just come along with me, okay? 436 00:46:06,510 --> 00:46:07,510 Miss Woodruff? 437 00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:29,520 You're on your own. 438 00:46:30,140 --> 00:46:31,220 Now remember... 439 00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:06,040 Haunted house! 440 00:49:04,240 --> 00:49:08,320 and gone on that telephone lineman. She's got that long -distance look in 441 00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:12,040 eyes. Yeah, looks like she's really hung up. 442 00:49:12,380 --> 00:49:13,960 Do you think she's fallen for his line? 443 00:49:14,540 --> 00:49:17,680 Oh, can it, will you? I have not. 444 00:49:19,240 --> 00:49:21,320 Isn't it a beautiful day, girl? 445 00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:27,300 May every day seem different when you are a woman. 446 00:49:27,580 --> 00:49:28,580 Big deal. 447 00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:30,800 What a bunch of crap. 448 00:49:50,890 --> 00:49:52,270 Are you the girl with a heart condition? 449 00:49:52,510 --> 00:49:53,650 I have orders to take you. 450 00:49:54,190 --> 00:49:57,910 Sorry, Larry, you'll have to do better than that. And I don't have a heart 451 00:49:57,910 --> 00:49:59,710 condition. Whatever you may have thought. 452 00:50:25,290 --> 00:50:27,330 Tiger 1 -9 for a beaver on a two -wheeler. 453 00:50:27,650 --> 00:50:28,650 You've got a beaver. 454 00:50:29,210 --> 00:50:32,010 Hey, pile driver, you've got an eager beaver, good buddy. 455 00:50:32,330 --> 00:50:33,870 Is this pile driver, isn't it? 456 00:50:34,170 --> 00:50:36,150 That's a big 10 -4, eager beaver. 457 00:50:36,630 --> 00:50:38,210 How big, good buddy? 458 00:50:41,310 --> 00:50:42,310 Bitch. 459 00:50:43,530 --> 00:50:45,550 Uh, eager beaver, what's your 20? 460 00:50:46,130 --> 00:50:50,530 I'm riding rocking chair on a cherry convoy rolling eastbound from the Big 461 00:50:50,530 --> 00:50:51,630 looking for the big worm. 462 00:50:52,820 --> 00:50:55,320 You come to the right place, eager beaver. 463 00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:59,880 Take a left at the mixing bowl and head for the junk jockey junction. 464 00:51:00,460 --> 00:51:01,580 I'll ball you there. 465 00:51:03,220 --> 00:51:06,540 Is it not I will ball you there? 466 00:51:07,500 --> 00:51:09,320 Roger, double 88's pile driver. 467 00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:14,120 Keep your nose between the ditches and the smokies out of your bridges. We 468 00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:39,060 I wouldn't mind doing it with him. 469 00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:40,680 Yes? 470 00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:44,360 Uh, yes? 471 00:51:55,850 --> 00:51:56,850 Ever want to race? 472 00:51:58,890 --> 00:52:02,610 Okay, drivers, roll your heaps onto the track and get ready for the start of 473 00:52:02,610 --> 00:52:03,890 this great figure eight race. 474 00:55:10,890 --> 00:55:12,730 Here she comes. Here she comes. 475 00:55:14,030 --> 00:55:15,030 Watch this. 476 00:55:21,250 --> 00:55:25,310 Hey, you guys, that's nowhere. I broke my ass for that. I was out there among 477 00:55:25,310 --> 00:55:28,590 all that flying tin, and I did it in the back seat of a car. 478 00:55:41,930 --> 00:55:45,070 I think Kippy killed the first person she ever had sex with. 479 00:55:46,350 --> 00:55:51,090 Like a shark smelling blood from a freshly deflowered virgin, I'm starting 480 00:55:51,090 --> 00:55:55,510 pick up the scent of an anthology. Each girl is going to have some sort of mini 481 00:55:55,510 --> 00:55:58,550 -adventure of their own on the road to Bonesville. 482 00:55:59,330 --> 00:56:04,550 Now, after Kippy killed that dude, our next virgin, Peaches, gets picked up by 483 00:56:04,550 --> 00:56:07,730 biker, and the biker removes her clothes roughly... 484 00:56:08,090 --> 00:56:12,190 and then throws her to the ground, but the biker turns out to be a woman. A 485 00:56:12,190 --> 00:56:13,190 woman? Indeed. 486 00:56:13,370 --> 00:56:14,490 She has boobs and everything. 487 00:56:14,930 --> 00:56:21,330 And I am curious if this was part of the plan. I mean, it is original compared 488 00:56:21,330 --> 00:56:25,890 to what the girls set out to do, but, I don't know, I thought the girls had to 489 00:56:25,890 --> 00:56:26,868 get guys? 490 00:56:26,870 --> 00:56:30,630 No, I don't think it was explicitly said it had to be straight sex. 491 00:56:31,230 --> 00:56:35,950 I mean, the girls do say it was sexy, and they do debate the merit of the 492 00:56:35,950 --> 00:56:40,870 beeswax, but... The biker liked the action because she apparently gave 493 00:56:40,870 --> 00:56:46,090 trophy. Next up, Blondie Goody Two -Shoes Allison likes Larry the phone 494 00:56:46,090 --> 00:56:51,490 man. But seeing how he's just a loser -ass phone line man, well, she's not 495 00:56:51,490 --> 00:56:53,270 to use him for the contest, I guess. 496 00:56:53,630 --> 00:56:58,450 Meanwhile, the French redhead Michelle meets up with another European guy at a 497 00:56:58,450 --> 00:56:59,428 haunted house. 498 00:56:59,430 --> 00:57:00,430 Ooh, spooky. 499 00:57:00,690 --> 00:57:01,730 You know what else is spooky? 500 00:57:02,330 --> 00:57:06,710 The haunting tale of the missing backpacks and camping gear? Indeed. 501 00:57:06,970 --> 00:57:12,230 These girls are supposedly on a two -week camping bike ride, and they have 502 00:57:12,230 --> 00:57:14,150 nothing but their clothes and their bikes. 503 00:57:14,430 --> 00:57:18,970 They wear different clothes each day. I mean, they sleep in a sleeping bag every 504 00:57:18,970 --> 00:57:23,930 night. Where are they packing these clothes and everything? I mean, we do 505 00:57:23,930 --> 00:57:28,690 some small sleeping bags rolled up on the girls' bikes, but they often have 506 00:57:28,690 --> 00:57:31,190 different clothes and shoes on, and that's not... 507 00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:35,300 getting easily rolled up into that sleeping bag. I'm just confused. 508 00:57:35,820 --> 00:57:40,660 Not nearly as confused as I was about why Michelle got such high grades for 509 00:57:40,660 --> 00:57:44,180 losing her virginity in a coffin with a goober dressed as a ghost. 510 00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:48,020 Yeah, I'm a little confused by the scoring system myself. 511 00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:53,480 Why would any girl rate any other girl's romp in the sack better than her own 512 00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:57,820 first time? What makes screwing a ghost in a coffin better than screwing a guy 513 00:57:57,820 --> 00:57:59,020 in a pool with a shark? 514 00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:01,500 only for the guy to die by said shark. 515 00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:06,020 Yeah, and what's the story with how much worse peaches got rated for doing it 516 00:58:06,020 --> 00:58:07,040 with that biker lady? 517 00:58:07,380 --> 00:58:10,120 Yeah, was that some sort of lame no -homo deal? 518 00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:16,240 I mean, were they, like, saying, all right, girls, this is a 70, so we better 519 00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:20,760 make sure that we only get greasy, hairy dick. Only greasy, hairy dick. 520 00:58:21,660 --> 00:58:26,740 None of the sexy biker chick looking to sex up one of us sexy cycling chicks. 521 00:58:26,920 --> 00:58:29,100 That's just not going to work out. That's just no good. 522 00:58:29,460 --> 00:58:32,320 At least I could see what the two girls were doing. 523 00:58:32,540 --> 00:58:37,320 Right? Anyway, speaking of peaches, who also goes by the CB handle Eager Beaver, 524 00:58:37,380 --> 00:58:41,840 because of course she does, she's been flirting this whole time with a guy 525 00:58:41,840 --> 00:58:43,600 Piledriver, because... 526 00:58:44,300 --> 00:58:45,279 Of course she is. 527 00:58:45,280 --> 00:58:47,480 And he's a trucker and a race car driver. 528 00:58:47,700 --> 00:58:52,740 And he has her meet him at the local racetrack where she gets into a car with 529 00:58:52,740 --> 00:58:56,960 him while he is driving all over the track like a drunk monkey on a greased 530 00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:57,919 snow sled. 531 00:58:57,920 --> 00:59:03,240 And he wrecks and this gives them the chance to fuck while he's getting towed 532 00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:06,800 away. Was it a race or was it a demolition derby? 533 00:59:07,390 --> 00:59:10,030 I don't really know. That's an excellent question. 534 00:59:10,370 --> 00:59:14,270 I think it was just the case of poor camera and editing work because it 535 00:59:14,270 --> 00:59:18,270 like sometimes the cars were going in one direction only for the next shot to 536 00:59:18,270 --> 00:59:19,750 show them going in the opposite direction. 537 00:59:20,350 --> 00:59:26,230 But that said, it would have been best to have made the thing a demolition 538 00:59:26,230 --> 00:59:29,230 because that would have been a perfect analogy. 539 00:59:29,730 --> 00:59:34,470 Most people's first time at sex is a whole lot like a demolition derby. Shit 540 00:59:34,470 --> 00:59:35,590 running into other shit. 541 00:59:36,010 --> 00:59:40,590 Things are all over the place, you're making passes that only make you swerve 542 00:59:40,590 --> 00:59:45,050 into walls, and it doesn't really last nearly as long as you hoped it would. 543 00:59:45,270 --> 00:59:48,410 How about those bitches giving Peaches a bad score again? 544 00:59:48,810 --> 00:59:50,290 I know, right? No shit. 545 00:59:50,570 --> 00:59:55,010 We wouldn't have room for unsupportive jerks like them on my varsity checkers 546 00:59:55,010 --> 00:59:59,350 team. Exactly. No room for them on the Brown County Enema High School Fight and 547 00:59:59,350 --> 01:00:01,750 Fart and Competitive Speed Proctology team either. 548 01:00:02,330 --> 01:00:05,860 Well... We're going to get back to the movie, and there's a brief part in this 549 01:00:05,860 --> 01:00:09,580 movie that lost its sound. I don't know what's up with that, but there's nothing 550 01:00:09,580 --> 01:00:10,600 wrong with your speakers. 551 01:00:11,220 --> 01:00:15,560 There's just a few moments in two sections of the same theme that are 552 01:00:15,560 --> 01:00:19,580 muted. So just like with this movie, just kind of stick with it. 553 01:00:33,070 --> 01:00:35,710 Well, girls, shall we stop and visit one of these wineries? 554 01:00:36,070 --> 01:00:37,750 Oh, I don't know. I'd be afraid. 555 01:00:38,050 --> 01:00:40,270 I hear those wineries are all friends for the mafia. 556 01:00:40,830 --> 01:00:41,930 Don't be silly, Sarah. 557 01:00:42,270 --> 01:00:43,510 How about this one right here? 558 01:00:44,190 --> 01:00:45,250 Uh -oh. 559 01:00:45,710 --> 01:00:46,710 Uh -oh. 560 01:00:46,870 --> 01:00:48,770 Uh, let's try the next one. 561 01:01:02,190 --> 01:01:04,490 Hey, I wonder what they make here besides wine. 562 01:01:10,550 --> 01:01:11,550 Here, 563 01:01:16,530 --> 01:01:18,070 take one of these. You could use it. 564 01:01:25,310 --> 01:01:26,690 Oh, come on now. 565 01:09:53,609 --> 01:09:58,570 Hey, come on, you guys. Get up now. Another day, another lay. Hey, with 566 01:09:58,570 --> 01:09:59,570 wood chips. 567 01:10:01,290 --> 01:10:03,610 Oh, the virgin surgeon. 568 01:11:00,590 --> 01:11:05,930 What if we try to hang gliding, water skiing, a pogo stick, a skateboard? 569 01:11:06,690 --> 01:11:08,770 What about a barrel of an Agra Falls? 570 01:11:09,370 --> 01:11:13,430 Larry, Kibby's already done it in a threesome with a shark fighter and a 571 01:11:13,430 --> 01:11:14,430 shark. 572 01:11:16,630 --> 01:11:19,130 I could really fall for you in a big way, Allison. 573 01:11:19,770 --> 01:11:20,769 No, Larry. 574 01:11:20,770 --> 01:11:21,910 No, no. 575 01:11:23,150 --> 01:11:25,910 Well then, I guess it's just no use. 576 01:11:26,150 --> 01:11:27,150 No use, Larry. 577 01:11:27,710 --> 01:11:30,470 You'll never make it. You couldn't be part of the contest. 578 01:11:31,690 --> 01:11:32,690 Okay, then. 579 01:11:33,750 --> 01:11:36,850 It was fun knowing you, Allison. I hope you win your... 580 01:11:36,850 --> 01:11:49,690 No, 581 01:11:49,790 --> 01:11:51,590 you'd never be right for the contest, Larry. 582 01:11:53,210 --> 01:11:54,210 You're just too nice. 583 01:11:56,010 --> 01:11:58,070 Come on, guys. Last one. There's a rotten egg. 584 01:11:58,750 --> 01:12:01,130 How about some lolly? Yeah, man. 585 01:12:29,580 --> 01:12:31,800 I said, girl, I got stuff that can't compete. 586 01:12:32,180 --> 01:12:35,000 So suck on my jawbreaker, I'm not messing around. 587 01:12:37,120 --> 01:12:39,520 I wouldn't sign a bookie, baby. 588 01:13:06,160 --> 01:13:10,280 Didn't think about it twice. I don't love y 'all on the inside. Don't mess 589 01:13:10,280 --> 01:13:11,280 around. 590 01:13:12,640 --> 01:13:15,180 I wouldn't sign it for you, baby. 591 01:13:16,400 --> 01:13:17,440 No, I wouldn't. 592 01:13:18,120 --> 01:13:19,380 Because now... 593 01:13:38,060 --> 01:13:39,540 Want to bite my drumstick? 594 01:13:41,740 --> 01:13:46,040 And I said, what? And give up showbiz? 595 01:13:46,300 --> 01:13:50,220 No, actually, we're doing three shows. It's a big deal here. 596 01:13:50,780 --> 01:13:54,060 Is this the real It's a Big Deal with Trip Shaw? 597 01:13:54,580 --> 01:13:56,820 It sure is. Are you kidding? 598 01:13:57,020 --> 01:13:59,480 This here is curtain number one. 599 01:14:04,360 --> 01:14:06,920 And this is curtain number two. 600 01:14:07,760 --> 01:14:10,200 Jeepers? I mean, eagles. 601 01:14:10,500 --> 01:14:12,640 What divine stuff. 602 01:14:12,860 --> 01:14:16,640 And wait till you see curtain number three. 603 01:14:18,080 --> 01:14:21,100 Egged on by ambition, egged off by the audience. 604 01:14:25,700 --> 01:14:26,700 What's this? 605 01:14:27,100 --> 01:14:28,900 Are you the booby prize? 606 01:14:29,860 --> 01:14:32,940 Sometimes a booby, always a prize. 607 01:14:37,100 --> 01:14:39,840 No, I'm finished here. Yesterday. But they hired me for the week union 608 01:14:39,840 --> 01:14:40,840 regulations. 609 01:14:41,380 --> 01:14:43,640 And it's good to have a strong union. 610 01:14:48,660 --> 01:14:50,880 See what's going on over here? 611 01:14:51,180 --> 01:14:53,180 Come on, let's get those geese over there. Sarah? 612 01:14:53,440 --> 01:14:54,440 Sarah? 613 01:14:57,360 --> 01:14:58,760 Hey, hi, weirdos. 614 01:15:01,120 --> 01:15:04,280 I'm Trip Shore, and are we going to have some fun today? 615 01:15:05,820 --> 01:15:08,780 Okay. Okay, who's got some dental floss? Dental floss. 616 01:15:09,280 --> 01:15:11,380 Oh, oh my God, it's King Kong. 617 01:15:12,140 --> 01:15:14,520 Here you go. Here's five big ones for the big monkey. 618 01:15:17,380 --> 01:15:20,080 Now, that's not so bad for dental floss, right? 619 01:15:20,720 --> 01:15:23,380 But that's not such a big deal, right? 620 01:15:24,440 --> 01:15:28,260 But today, somebody's going to get a chance to try for what's behind our 621 01:15:28,260 --> 01:15:32,400 curtains. And if they pick the right curtain, let me tell you, it is a big 622 01:15:34,280 --> 01:15:35,280 Camera one. 623 01:15:35,530 --> 01:15:36,530 Where's camera one? 624 01:15:37,230 --> 01:15:39,370 Oh, okay. There it is. 625 01:15:41,510 --> 01:15:42,810 Oh, ho! 626 01:15:44,690 --> 01:15:46,770 Oh, my goodness. 627 01:15:47,750 --> 01:15:54,090 Oh, and I saw... Are 628 01:15:54,090 --> 01:16:00,870 you sure they won't be using this set 629 01:16:00,870 --> 01:16:03,930 today? Oh, absolutely not. 630 01:16:14,650 --> 01:16:18,070 Hello? What do you mean the new set won't be here in time? 631 01:16:19,290 --> 01:16:20,510 Oh, Christ. 632 01:16:23,030 --> 01:16:28,050 Sam, Sam, roll in yesterday's set. There's been a screw -up. 633 01:16:28,550 --> 01:16:32,190 21 -inch color TV and this beautiful new... 634 01:16:48,140 --> 01:16:50,740 Keep the car or you can have what's behind. 635 01:17:20,840 --> 01:17:21,840 Chicken! 636 01:17:55,280 --> 01:17:56,600 come up with something really terrific. 637 01:17:57,540 --> 01:17:59,180 Larry hasn't been around lately, has he? 638 01:17:59,500 --> 01:18:03,440 Larry? Larry? Oh, yes, I remember. The boy from the phone company. 639 01:18:03,780 --> 01:18:05,040 I'd forgotten him completely. 640 01:18:05,600 --> 01:18:06,600 Oh, you have? 641 01:18:09,600 --> 01:18:10,660 Allison. Yes? 642 01:18:11,460 --> 01:18:15,300 You know, this contest isn't the most important thing in the world. The other 643 01:18:15,300 --> 01:18:17,940 girls will understand if you've decided... That's just it, Miss 644 01:18:17,940 --> 01:18:22,280 do respect me. That's why I have to keep faith with them. I mean, what kind of 645 01:18:22,280 --> 01:18:23,980 student council president will let some... 646 01:18:24,590 --> 01:18:27,470 sentimental feeling about a boy stand in the way of getting 647 01:19:31,400 --> 01:19:32,400 What is it, Allison? 648 01:21:41,870 --> 01:21:43,110 sexy. Bye. 649 01:22:15,180 --> 01:22:17,440 I'm sorry, but I just can't. 650 01:22:18,760 --> 01:22:21,440 Why? Is it because I'm blue? 651 01:22:21,940 --> 01:22:27,540 No, it's not that. It's just that I'm... Well, I'm in love with someone else. 652 01:22:42,220 --> 01:22:43,900 You never give up, do you? 653 01:23:02,080 --> 01:23:05,280 Oh, well, I've waited so long for this moment. 654 01:23:05,620 --> 01:23:07,180 Oh, Larry, so have I. 655 01:23:10,760 --> 01:23:12,440 Larry, no, not like this. 656 01:23:13,140 --> 01:23:14,900 What do you mean, not like this? 657 01:23:15,720 --> 01:23:17,640 Isn't this originally enough for you yet? 658 01:23:18,140 --> 01:23:22,660 No, I mean, I don't want it to be like this with you, all gimmicky and weird. 659 01:23:23,060 --> 01:23:25,660 I want it to be normal and beautiful. 660 01:23:26,620 --> 01:23:28,780 I don't want to be part of the context anymore. 661 01:23:29,240 --> 01:23:31,200 I love you, Larry. 662 01:23:31,480 --> 01:23:32,560 I love you. 663 01:24:20,300 --> 01:24:21,300 What's going on? 664 01:24:21,460 --> 01:24:23,280 Well, I guess some explanation is in order. 665 01:24:24,580 --> 01:24:26,340 I'm New Ordinary Telephone Lineman. 666 01:24:26,620 --> 01:24:29,380 No, I can see that. Is this really your estate? 667 01:24:29,740 --> 01:24:33,120 Yes. Well, my appearance, anyway. And my name's not really Larry. 668 01:24:33,640 --> 01:24:37,040 It's Rupert Bitsig of the famous Long Island Bitsigs. You're kidding. 669 01:24:37,980 --> 01:24:39,760 I'll always call you Larry anyway. 670 01:24:40,260 --> 01:24:44,060 Good. I took this job. I wanted to get away from the old family name. 671 01:24:44,520 --> 01:24:47,440 But I'm really a graduate student of aeronautical engineering. 672 01:24:48,170 --> 01:24:51,350 I designed that spaceship as a special project for my doctoral thesis. 673 01:24:51,610 --> 01:24:54,010 Of course, basically, it's just a helicopter. 674 01:24:54,370 --> 01:24:56,210 Oh, Larry, I think you're wonderful. 675 01:24:56,810 --> 01:24:58,130 You're pretty special yourself. 676 01:28:08,929 --> 01:28:10,370 Here we are. 677 01:28:25,330 --> 01:28:27,970 Isn't Allison's new boyfriend out of this world? 678 01:28:28,490 --> 01:28:30,970 He looked a little spaced out, if you ask me. 679 01:28:31,350 --> 01:28:34,650 Hey, do you think if he and Allison hit it off, he'll act up sometime? 680 01:28:35,510 --> 01:28:37,810 Up? Maybe he'll have us all for dinner. 681 01:28:38,190 --> 01:28:44,790 That is what I am afraid of. Oh, my God. You don't suppose... Oh, poor 682 01:28:44,790 --> 01:28:45,790 Allison. 683 01:28:47,910 --> 01:28:53,550 My God, what will we write in the alumni bulletin? 684 01:29:06,350 --> 01:29:07,350 No contest, Allison. 685 01:29:07,750 --> 01:29:08,750 This is for you. 686 01:29:09,130 --> 01:29:10,130 You're the winner. 687 01:29:10,310 --> 01:29:11,430 How was it, Allison? 688 01:29:11,770 --> 01:29:12,589 What happened? 689 01:29:12,590 --> 01:29:13,790 Tell us. Nothing happened. 690 01:29:14,130 --> 01:29:17,770 Nothing? Nothing. What are you talking about? Nothing happened, that's all. I 691 01:29:17,770 --> 01:29:21,770 can't take this. But, Allison, we thought for sure that... We were afraid, 692 01:29:21,850 --> 01:29:23,910 We thought he might have eaten you. You got us worried. 693 01:29:24,130 --> 01:29:25,770 He was a perfect gentleman. 694 01:29:26,190 --> 01:29:27,810 A Martian, a perfect gentleman? 695 01:29:28,170 --> 01:29:30,670 He wasn't a Martian. Not a Venusian? 696 01:29:31,070 --> 01:29:32,090 Wait a minute. 697 01:29:32,590 --> 01:29:34,850 Don't tell us it was just Larry. 698 01:29:40,040 --> 01:29:41,840 The telephone kid really made his connection. 699 01:29:42,280 --> 01:29:45,740 Oh, Allison, you're really a sad case to pick up someone like that. 700 01:29:45,980 --> 01:29:51,000 Well, so much for that. Miss Woodruff has to pick you up. Hey, who is it? Who 701 01:29:51,000 --> 01:29:54,580 it, Miss Woodruff? Who is the champion expurgant? What, you guys? 702 01:29:55,060 --> 01:29:56,780 Well, who won the contest, Miss Woodruff? 703 01:29:57,380 --> 01:29:59,380 Well, it's been an extraordinary contest. 704 01:29:59,860 --> 01:30:02,920 Each one of you has made a magnificent effort. 705 01:30:03,440 --> 01:30:05,740 None of you has anything to hang your head about. 706 01:30:06,160 --> 01:30:07,160 You peaches. 707 01:30:07,630 --> 01:30:10,190 Your experience was really a wild one. 708 01:30:10,430 --> 01:30:12,910 Your story was bold. It was violent. 709 01:30:13,130 --> 01:30:14,370 It was shockingly different. 710 01:30:14,670 --> 01:30:17,770 It was a story that could take place in any American town. 711 01:30:18,050 --> 01:30:21,770 There were 500ccs of motorcycle between your lover's legs. 712 01:30:22,190 --> 01:30:26,510 Unfortunately, there wasn't anything else. Still, you certainly have 713 01:30:26,510 --> 01:30:27,510 to remember. 714 01:30:28,830 --> 01:30:32,450 Now, it's true that you got a low score from the other girls on a technicality. 715 01:30:32,670 --> 01:30:35,290 And I do have to take their scoring into account. 716 01:30:35,770 --> 01:30:37,290 as I evaluate your performance. 717 01:30:37,750 --> 01:30:42,870 But certainly, you achieved one of the most interesting variations on an old 718 01:30:42,870 --> 01:30:44,710 standard location that I've ever seen. 719 01:30:45,350 --> 01:30:49,650 And I have to give you a big ten -four, eager beaver. 720 01:30:53,930 --> 01:30:58,750 Sarah, you learned what it is to make a deal. And you certainly didn't chicken 721 01:30:58,750 --> 01:30:59,750 out. 722 01:31:06,540 --> 01:31:07,860 She got chickened in. 723 01:31:12,020 --> 01:31:17,660 And whatever the final outcome may be, you certainly will be the most famous of 724 01:31:17,660 --> 01:31:22,540 our outstanding group as the first girl ever to lose her virginity live on 725 01:31:22,540 --> 01:31:23,540 Nationwide TV. 726 01:31:28,260 --> 01:31:32,780 Michelle, you were a little faint -hearted at first, and I didn't think 727 01:31:32,780 --> 01:31:34,260 a ghost of a chance in the contest. 728 01:31:37,420 --> 01:31:41,180 But soon your scientific mind took over and you really got into the spirit. 729 01:31:47,660 --> 01:31:51,600 Au contraire. It was the spirit that got into me. 730 01:31:51,980 --> 01:31:52,980 No. 731 01:32:19,959 --> 01:32:23,940 Michelle, whether you win the contest or not, I know that the memory of this 732 01:32:23,940 --> 01:32:25,660 experience will always haunt you. 733 01:32:27,240 --> 01:32:32,080 Kippy, you took a sporting chance, no question about it, in your bid to snatch 734 01:32:32,080 --> 01:32:33,880 victory from the jaws of defeat. 735 01:32:37,520 --> 01:32:42,640 You showed great daring as well as originality of place, technique, and 736 01:32:42,640 --> 01:32:43,640 of partner. 737 01:32:45,480 --> 01:32:48,720 So this means that Kippy is the winner? No, girl. 738 01:32:49,260 --> 01:32:50,260 Kippy was magnificent. 739 01:32:50,440 --> 01:32:53,280 Each one of you, in your own way, was magnificent. 740 01:32:53,760 --> 01:32:54,760 I'm proud of you. 741 01:32:55,580 --> 01:33:00,100 But the winner is... Allison! 742 01:33:03,420 --> 01:33:04,420 Allison! 743 01:33:04,840 --> 01:33:06,300 Allison wins. 744 01:33:06,580 --> 01:33:09,960 I mean, I can see Michelle or Sarah, but Allison said she didn't even do 745 01:33:09,960 --> 01:33:13,040 anything. And even if she did, with Larry? 746 01:33:13,580 --> 01:33:16,100 Especially because she did it with Larry. 747 01:33:17,070 --> 01:33:18,930 With a telephone lineman? 748 01:33:19,590 --> 01:33:21,010 With plain old Larry? 749 01:33:21,610 --> 01:33:22,610 Plain old Larry? 750 01:33:23,030 --> 01:33:25,730 I happen to know a little bit more about him than you all do. 751 01:33:26,310 --> 01:33:30,550 I can inform you that he's the son of the wealthiest man in the whole county. 752 01:33:30,930 --> 01:33:32,450 Son of the wealthiest? 753 01:33:32,770 --> 01:33:33,770 Oh. 754 01:33:34,030 --> 01:33:36,690 What a typical American justice. 755 01:33:37,290 --> 01:33:38,910 So he's rich. So what? 756 01:33:39,190 --> 01:33:41,710 Now, what's so original about that? Why does Allison win? 757 01:33:42,530 --> 01:33:48,530 Because, girls, after all is said and done, True love is the most original way 758 01:33:48,530 --> 01:33:49,530 of all.